Tho i was so tired last night i just somehow managed to get through it, and as a conclusion stayed up til 5am........ Not happy about it now, i feel hangover-ish and my head hurts, plus i think i might be getting a flu, otoosan has one too so wouldnt surprise me >,<" So i slept til 12am, went to eat and slept 2 more hours.... And i feel like a burden today, just hanging here while everybodys at work (well, nacchan is at uni, okaasan at work and obaachan and otoosan and me here at home but yeah).
I dont know how this is possible, but i've managed to find a wireless connection that only lets me use blogger and google (i can google things but not open the pages?!?! XDXDXD hahaha that's so hilarious,,,) So i stayed up and read and read and read and read blogs, and everybody had something deep to say, everybody had had big changes in their lives lately so it made me think about my own too.
Basically im very happy to be me, i am proud of the things ive achieved (well nothing big maybe but still) and i think my way to see the life is really good. I am not depressed and normally am able to see the positive sides in everything. I feel like ppl complained a lot O.O I mean, its okay if you have done your best and failed in something, its okay if you lost something and it wasnt your fault, but i just hate it when ppl complain about every-little-thing and daily. Oh god if you're not happy with your school or life or hobby or something like that that you can change, go and change it for fucks sake! If there's something you could do about the thing that disturbs you, you have no right to complain continuously, not if you havent even tried once to make things better.
For me the year 2011 was really boring, not many things happened in my life. It was basically school and working really hard, in the beginning of the year i went to the school and had 3 jobs and two volunteering jobs..! Crazy, i dont know how i managed that, but my days were basically just school-hobby-work-sleep school-work-sleep work-yfu-jame-sleep.
I dont count last summer as summer at all, i had a one-week-holiday and the weather was awful. For a month I was in German (=school basically, tho it was a nice experience) and other time i had to take summer courses for high school so that i was able to graduate earlier (i made it in 2,5 years :--D). Once the school started again, i only had 1,5 months left (one period and the finals), and after that i started working in schools in order to get money for the trip.
Tho the end of the year was more interesting, i started going out a lot and hanging more with ppl~ And i was looking forward to my trip too.
But that's it. I mean yeah i graduated and stuff, but nothing big changes happened and i was really bored. bored bored bored. The two last years had been great, 2009 i was in exchange and 2010 had the culture shock in adjusting back to finland, met so many new ppl and made good friends. 2011 was just a big hazy moment.
So this year i really am going to do things i've wanted!! I've already made a bigger difference in these 1,5 months than last year XD I started the blog i had wanted to start for so long :3 (it needs some big changes still but this is the first step!) I left for the big unknown even if everybody told me not to (i think too much what other ppl think about me, i mean im getting better every day but i really look up to the ppl who have a good self esteem). I got the university place in Britain.
So things seems to go pretty good~ I still have to find something useful to do in Japan, as almost the first half of the year will be over til the time i'll be back in Finland..!! And im a kind of person who cant just sit around, i need something to do. In the december i'll turn 20 and wanna be able to look back and think i have made a difference, that i have lived the way i want to.
I dont know why and maybe this is stupid, but i have the constant fear of not being able to live to the fullest and have 100% of the days used as i want. In the end of the day, if i have done absolutely nothing (this night here i cooome~), it feels like i had lost a day, lost time of already short life. There is just so much i want to do, and tho everybody says there is no need to rush, i'm afraid of not using every chance i get. I dont want to just run through the days, and i really do live in the moment, i think the small things are the ones that really make you happy in the end of the day, but i dont wanna freeze and stop moving either.
Ughhhh im sorry i have no pictures to post, i really should add more of them. Too many words, too little photos. I'm so lazy to read, that if the blog is only text i dont even bother to start reading haha.... XD i cant even link videos cuz im not able to use youtube!!!
